“Two weeks ago,” I said, “was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my wife would be pleasant and say ‘Happy Birthday’ and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say ‘Good Morning’ let alone say ‘Happy Birthday’.”

“I said to myself ‘Well that’s wives for you. The children will remember.’ But the children came into breakfast and didn’t say a word. And when I started to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

Den ganzen Beitrag lesen…

Being a very typical Sagittarius, I found this very interesting:

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time.

Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it.

VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind.

Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with - you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

Forwarded to me from a friend via email and I guess it’s a good one to share with you:

感嘆男人 :
有才華的長的醜, 長的帥的掙錢少 , 掙錢多的不顧家, 顧家的沒出息 ,
有出息的不浪漫, 會浪漫的靠不住 , 靠的住的又窩囊 .

感嘆女人 :
漂亮的不下廚房, 下廚房的不溫柔 , 溫柔的沒主見, 有主見的沒女人味,
有女人味的亂花錢 , 不亂花錢的不時尚 , 時尚的不放心, 放心的沒法看.

老婆是電視 , 情人是手機, 在家看電視 , 出門帶手機, 破產賣電視 ,發財換手機,
偶爾看電視, 整天玩手機 , 電視終身不收費, 手機欠費就停機 .

做女人一定要經得起謊言 , 受得起敷衍, 忍得住欺騙, 忘得了諾言 ,
寧願相信世上有鬼, 也不能相信男人那張嘴 ……

I like the “TV/Mobile” analogy!

This is so funny … thanks to Andy for telling me about this site. You may also like How To Be The Perfect Boyfriend / Girlfriend.

VideoJug: How To Give A Goodnight Kiss

My good friend Andy rarely forwards me anything, but I don’t think anyone could resist for this one, including me. The following exchange took place on Craigslist - what a classic!

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Den ganzen Beitrag lesen…

Found from this this Facebook group, here are the ones that are most amusing to me:

• You tip only 10%.
• You have many credit cards.
• You always have the latest mobile phone.
• You study engineering, business management or law.
• If someone buys something, you brag about how its cheaper in Hong Kong.
• You always leave your shoes at the door.
• Chinese food in other countries doesn’t taste right.
• You never discuss your love life with your parents.
• You turn bright red after drinking alcohol.
• You’ve mastered the art of bargaining.
• Your friends ask you if Hong Kong is in Japan.
• You rinse your dishes in hot water before you eat dim sum.
• You start speaking Japanese after you did something wrong in a foreign country.

轉載自友人Ashwin的電郵：

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: “If you want your Breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds”

Den ganzen Beitrag lesen…

Joke about Donald Tsang’s campaign slogan. Thanks to Peggy for sharing.

曾特首角逐連任
搵左「我會做好呢份工！」做競選口號
如果換轉其他行業或者其他人
應該會咁講：

地盤佬：「我會鑽好呢個窿！」
氣功師：「我會發好呢次功！」
八達通公司：「我會整好八達通！」
天文台：「我會測好呢個風！」
整容醫生：「我會隆好呢個胸！」
鐘錶師：「我會整好呢個鐘！」
廚師：「我會爆好呢碟蔥！」
麻將腳：「我會碰好呢隻東！」

xx 公司的專業員工：「我會五點九就鬆 … …」

More interpretations of this slogan.

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Thanks to K.S. for sharing this great list.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
Den ganzen Beitrag lesen…